Monday, October 7, 2013

Appreciating Resistance by Cathrine Victoria

I am not close with my family. I am an alien in my family. I don’t quite fit in. Maybe it’s a starseed thing. I know many starseeds feel this way. I have not received much support from my family, except when I did my master’s degree, and probably did the one thing that my family could approve of. I cannot be myself with them, and they want me to change. As a result of this, I don’t spend much time with them. Actually, I hardly ever see them. I don’t usually go home for Christmas for example. To be honest, I don’t have a home to come home to. I am not saddened by this. On the contrary; I am totally free and don’t have to spend time with people who cannot accept me for who I am, who don’t understand me. People whom when I am there I feel more alien than ever. And more alone than ever. As I can see into their minds and know what they are thinking, this makes it even more difficult and painful. It’s not something that I do on purpose. I’d rather not know; it would make it easier to be around them.

In my family there is a lot of resistance and little understanding for the way that I am. “The way that I am” – I am laughing now that I type that and see how silly it is. And what exactly is “the way that I am” and what is it about it that they cannot accept? The way that I am, is that I am different. Yes. I am an indigo/crystal hybrid. I am a starseed and my soul is celestial nobility. I am not used to being in human form; my soul is more used to being in the energy space. Because of where I come from, and coming in with a heightened perception, knowledge and wisdom (as most starseeds do), I see the world differently. Although I have not told my family this. They are not very open or spiritual, and I am weird enough as it is. But my mind is different. I am more sensitive. I believe in the possibility of my dreams. I believe that anything is possible, and if you have a desire to do something, do it! I see energy, and the world appear different to me than to them. I don’t see life as something that happens to us; I see it as being what we make of it. Perhaps it is easier for me to believe this, as I can see the paradigm and how it works. I cannot conform to society. I will not accept something as truth, just because it is an accepted truth in society. To my family, who are very obedient citizens, this makes me difficult, and even though I have tried to conform and “failed”, what to do with me. (smile)
I know life is short, so I aim to get as much out of it as I can. –Which means that I try different things. I am here to explore, experience and live my purpose. I know I came with a mission, but we can still have fun here and explore this world at the same time. It doesn’t have to be hard. In life, I don’t find one thing and stick with it. Which to some is a crime.
I have dreams. And I pursue those dreams. I take chances. I live in the moment. And I live through my heart. My family wants me to grow up. To be honest, I don’t understand what that means. I don’t want to disappoint them, but if ‘growing up’ means what I think it means, from a soul perspective I’d rather die before I “grow up”.
I may not be a “normal” citizen where I live. I am probably considered an eccentric – I prefer organic, clean foods, I don’t eat meat, I use only natural products (everything from washing powder to soaps and make up). I don’t smoke, drink coffee, alcohol, I don’t even drink tea. Perhaps only 4-5 times a year. But to me, this is natural. To others, I am strange and weird. Having allergies help (thank you, sensitivity!), because this is the one reason people seem to accept.
I used to be upset about this. Not having a family. I used to want the perfect family, where I am loved and appreciated for me. I would hope and secretly wish that my family could accept me for who I am, but deep down I knew that no one wants an alien in their family. I am not bothered by this anymore, and realize that this resistance has taught me so much. I am so incredibly grateful to my family for not accepting me and wanting me to change. To conform. To fit into society. To be a normal citizen. For constantly trying to feed me stuff I don’t want – even though I have told them again and again that I don’t like that. I am so grateful for the “talks” we had, which were pretty much about me having to grow up and just be a normal citizen.
If it weren’t for their resistance, if they had accepted me and not tried to change me, I would not have been who I am. Because of their resistance to me being me, I am more myself than ever, and I feel I passed this test. I am very grateful for their resistance, I now see the purpose of it and I understand it. I needed this resistance. I needed to learn to love myself, to give myself the love that I wanted. If I had gotten it from a family, I would already have it so I wouldn’t have to learn to get it myself. If I had a family who supported me, instead of discouraging me, I wouldn’t have learned self-worth the way that I have. Or to be strong and make it on my own. I have been on my own here, all alone, but that is okay, because I realize that I have all that I need inside. I don’t need anyone to give me anything. If my life had been easy, I would not have realized or learned as deeply as I have. There would not have been so much expansion. I am grateful for everything. Although I may feel alone on earth and in the physical, I know I am never alone because spirit is all around. My soul and spirit family – we are always connected. I wanted this lifetime alone to be strong and totally isolated to see if I could do it… And I can. I am so happy. I have experienced the darkest of the darkest, and now it can only get lighter : )
Love and blessings. We are LOVE and we are ONE ♥♥♥
-Cathrine Victoria