Monday, October 7, 2013

Appreciating Resistance by Cathrine Victoria

I am not close with my family. I am an alien in my family. I don’t quite fit in. Maybe it’s a starseed thing. I know many starseeds feel this way. I have not received much support from my family, except when I did my master’s degree, and probably did the one thing that my family could approve of. I cannot be myself with them, and they want me to change. As a result of this, I don’t spend much time with them. Actually, I hardly ever see them. I don’t usually go home for Christmas for example. To be honest, I don’t have a home to come home to. I am not saddened by this. On the contrary; I am totally free and don’t have to spend time with people who cannot accept me for who I am, who don’t understand me. People whom when I am there I feel more alien than ever. And more alone than ever. As I can see into their minds and know what they are thinking, this makes it even more difficult and painful. It’s not something that I do on purpose. I’d rather not know; it would make it easier to be around them.

In my family there is a lot of resistance and little understanding for the way that I am. “The way that I am” – I am laughing now that I type that and see how silly it is. And what exactly is “the way that I am” and what is it about it that they cannot accept? The way that I am, is that I am different. Yes. I am an indigo/crystal hybrid. I am a starseed and my soul is celestial nobility. I am not used to being in human form; my soul is more used to being in the energy space. Because of where I come from, and coming in with a heightened perception, knowledge and wisdom (as most starseeds do), I see the world differently. Although I have not told my family this. They are not very open or spiritual, and I am weird enough as it is. But my mind is different. I am more sensitive. I believe in the possibility of my dreams. I believe that anything is possible, and if you have a desire to do something, do it! I see energy, and the world appear different to me than to them. I don’t see life as something that happens to us; I see it as being what we make of it. Perhaps it is easier for me to believe this, as I can see the paradigm and how it works. I cannot conform to society. I will not accept something as truth, just because it is an accepted truth in society. To my family, who are very obedient citizens, this makes me difficult, and even though I have tried to conform and “failed”, what to do with me. (smile)
I know life is short, so I aim to get as much out of it as I can. –Which means that I try different things. I am here to explore, experience and live my purpose. I know I came with a mission, but we can still have fun here and explore this world at the same time. It doesn’t have to be hard. In life, I don’t find one thing and stick with it. Which to some is a crime.
I have dreams. And I pursue those dreams. I take chances. I live in the moment. And I live through my heart. My family wants me to grow up. To be honest, I don’t understand what that means. I don’t want to disappoint them, but if ‘growing up’ means what I think it means, from a soul perspective I’d rather die before I “grow up”.
I may not be a “normal” citizen where I live. I am probably considered an eccentric – I prefer organic, clean foods, I don’t eat meat, I use only natural products (everything from washing powder to soaps and make up). I don’t smoke, drink coffee, alcohol, I don’t even drink tea. Perhaps only 4-5 times a year. But to me, this is natural. To others, I am strange and weird. Having allergies help (thank you, sensitivity!), because this is the one reason people seem to accept.
I used to be upset about this. Not having a family. I used to want the perfect family, where I am loved and appreciated for me. I would hope and secretly wish that my family could accept me for who I am, but deep down I knew that no one wants an alien in their family. I am not bothered by this anymore, and realize that this resistance has taught me so much. I am so incredibly grateful to my family for not accepting me and wanting me to change. To conform. To fit into society. To be a normal citizen. For constantly trying to feed me stuff I don’t want – even though I have told them again and again that I don’t like that. I am so grateful for the “talks” we had, which were pretty much about me having to grow up and just be a normal citizen.
If it weren’t for their resistance, if they had accepted me and not tried to change me, I would not have been who I am. Because of their resistance to me being me, I am more myself than ever, and I feel I passed this test. I am very grateful for their resistance, I now see the purpose of it and I understand it. I needed this resistance. I needed to learn to love myself, to give myself the love that I wanted. If I had gotten it from a family, I would already have it so I wouldn’t have to learn to get it myself. If I had a family who supported me, instead of discouraging me, I wouldn’t have learned self-worth the way that I have. Or to be strong and make it on my own. I have been on my own here, all alone, but that is okay, because I realize that I have all that I need inside. I don’t need anyone to give me anything. If my life had been easy, I would not have realized or learned as deeply as I have. There would not have been so much expansion. I am grateful for everything. Although I may feel alone on earth and in the physical, I know I am never alone because spirit is all around. My soul and spirit family – we are always connected. I wanted this lifetime alone to be strong and totally isolated to see if I could do it… And I can. I am so happy. I have experienced the darkest of the darkest, and now it can only get lighter : )
Love and blessings. We are LOVE and we are ONE ♥♥♥
-Cathrine Victoria


  1. Too bad that it has to be this way, I think I am losing my friends, slowly but surely I can see it coming. Even though you seem to have peace with the situation Cathrine, being an outsider within your own family must be more difficult than losing friends. Wish you well!

  2. I´m an alien too, to my family and the 3D society!!! but as Cathrine, I´ve never before being myself so clearly!!!!

    :) <3


  3. I love you. B.Z.