Inside My SELF
I took this week off to go inside to merge with my SELF. I received Choosing Conscious Creation Parts 1 and 2. This morning I received the “frosting on the cake.” My transition from sleep to a somewhat awake meditation was seamless. I only hope that my typing hands can remember what my brain cannot. To be in the NOW of that experience I will transcribe this experience in the ever-present tense of NOW.
I am within a very tall room that appears to be infinite in height. The room is somewhat square and composed entirely of windows that are covered by white gauze curtain. The curtains flow unperceptively in a loose, motionless, motion to give me the sensation of a soft breeze. However, I do not feel the breeze, as I am entirely inside of my SELF.
I do not know exactly what “inside my SELF” means, but it is what I FEEL. In fact, every component of this experience is based on my FEELING. My thoughts, which are trained to progress forward in a line traveling into an unknown future, are now subservient to the NOW of my perceptions and emotions.
Wonderfully, I have no temptation to think about what is occurring, as I dare not disturb the Beingness of the NOW with a thought. There is no time here, and HERE is clearing inside of ME. However, determining what version of me would require thought, so I continue to flow within the blissful feel of this glorious room of light.
If I posses a form I am unaware of it, and in fact, I don’t care. Within this NOW this blissful room is my form, yet it is a formless form. It is a form in that I perceive within my inner vision, but I do not experience any other physical sensations. Thus, I do not hear anything or have any tactile sensations.
As far as I can tell, I am within some, if not all, versions of my SELF. However, that analysis is unimportant because I am totally focused on the feeling of calm bliss. As I release these final analytical thoughts, I discover that my entire formless essence is undulating with light and unconditional love.
I experience only my breath, as it deepens my experience with my every exhale. I slowly inhale again, hold the glory of this NOW and feel its expansion as I exhale. It appears that these inhales and exhales are moving me upwards within the room where the light glows brighter and brighter.
I still remain without form, but have the clear awareness that I am inside of me, inside of me, inside of me… Fortunately, I feel no need to question, understand or analyze. The sensation of calm bliss is my primary focus, and it appears to be taking me somewhere, if the term where applies to this reality.
In fact, there is no “where,” as there is only “here.” When my attention rests on my feelings of calm bliss there is nothing else to perceive. This calm bliss seems to guide my focus to the windows, as I appear to be rising toward the top of the roofless room.
With no sense of transition, I am suddenly on what I might call a porch. Again, when I focus on my sensation there are no forms or visions that accompany them. My sensations/feelings are simply HERE NOW.
NOW, some component of this HERENESS directs the stream of my attention onto the porch. I feel that there is a door behind my formless form and stairs before me that move down from the porch.
I can only perceive that on which I place my attention. My attention suddenly returns to the room, my formless perception is there. NOW, my attention returns to the porch I am here, still formless.
I do have a constant awareness that this entire experience is inside of me. Even while I am IN the room I am not inside of the room, but inside of me. On the other hand, the room and I are so completely merged into oneness that there is no concept of inside or outsideof it.
The same is true for the porch. I am inside of me, while the porch and I are ONE in the Now of the porch. As my attention lands on the trees around the porch, and the porch no longer exists.
The trees are me, and I am the trees while our merged essence is inside of ME—whomever Me is?
When my attention shifts to the porch and all that exists inside is the “outside” porch that leads into the “inside” of me. But now even the porch and the trees are beginning to blur as the language of the symbolism becomes clear.
The room is me within a form that is not apparent in this experience/reality. The porch is a threshold within me to a version of me that is unknown, yet simultaneously familiar. There are no polarities, so “unknown” and “familiar” mean not attended to and in the process of merging with.
I feel the trees calling me, as trees are my favorite “people,” but all sense of form is becoming obsolete. It is the essence of the trees that is calling me, as well as the essence of nature. As I respond to this call, I expand into an awareness of ALL That Is.
Then again, ALL is formless and exists as pure potential. With this realization, I become aware of a physical form that surrounds me, which is my first recognition of an “I” that is outside of this experience. This experience of an “I” only exists while my attention is on that form.
My attention is drawn to the feeling of lying in bed, and my form pulls me into it. I lie on my bed, flowing with this experience and savoring each taste of it as I slowly return to the physical world.
I must write this down, I say as I somehow pull my physical form with me as I walk to get my computer. I am back in the outside world, but I can feel ME inside.
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